Unraveling
by JinxedJaguar
Summary: It'd be a miracle, wouldn't it? If all the people you care about cared for you, too. If people cared enough to notice that Vik was not okay, and if he had the strength to admit that something wasn't right. If all our questions had definite answers. If the world was that perfect, Vik would have Lachlan within his reach. [Vikklan, The Pack, CraftBattleDuty, Vikkstar123]
1. Chapter One: Honestly, I'm done

Two months. Two months I had been tearing myself up over a buy. A stupid boy that I'd do anything to please, a stupid boy that I wanted to hate with all I had, but seemingly just couldn't. Our friendship was right on the borderline of platonic and romantic, but I had a feeling that it was all one sided.

Two months I'd been beating myself up over all my mistakes. Every word I had ever mouthed to him him, every breath that I wasted trying, it was all wrong. Everything was wrong, but I didn't know how to fix it.

Two months I had been slicing my skin and hiding scars. No one noticed, so there wasn't any motivation to recover. There wasn't a true reason for it to start, so, in my mind, I saw no reason to stop. The feeling was so relieving, so relaxing, that there was no chance I'd ever willingly let it go.

I'd fallen in love with a boy, an emotion, and marks on my skin in two months. A lot could happen in two months.

All of it left me wanting to tell someone. Maybe it was the attention whore in me surfacing or the emotional stability rating of 2 and a half out of 10 that I had, but I was desperate for something and I had no clue why. I wanted to see how insignificant I was to them, and then pretend how little they meant to me. I wanted to see if they would say "I want you to get better," or if they'd make fun of me. I wanted to see if they'd react at all.

One day, I spoke before I thought.

"Simon?" I yelled. His room was in the attic, what were the chances he was going to hear me? _Whatever, if he comes, he'll come_ , I thought. After two minutes of no response, I did the only thing I knew I was good out and took out my blade.

It was too full on my arms. Cuts lined up, down, vertically, and diagonally. Small words were written and retraced. Wide, unhealing scars on the backs of my hands made by my own fingernails were red and irritated. I picked at them before they could even attempt to heal. How had no one noticed? You know what… There weren't enough vertical cuts…

"Vik! What are you doing!" I heard Simon's voice yell. I guess he did hear me. With my back to the door, I emotionlessly answered.

"What do you think I'm doing?" I asked, innocently, drawing a small heart on the palm of my hand. The way it bled out in tiny droplets hurt me in a way it shouldn't have.

That was my heart. My real life emotions. I was losing it, but nobody seemed to notice. I had always figured that going out silently would create the smallest blast radiation, though, so I couldn't be whining about it.

"I mean, it looked like you were jerking off or something," Simon answered, nervously laughing.

"Yup, because I'm moaning and everything. I love to jerk off," I muttered, sarcastically. I looked back at my hand and nearly screamed in frustration. _His_ name was there on my hand. I wasn't even thinking. I furiously tried scratching over it.

"Vik, are you okay?" Simon asked. I could hear his footsteps getting louder behind me. Maybe I didn't want to tell people after all… Who would understand? Surely not Simon.

"Yeah, I'm fine," I signed. I placed my blade near my elbow and pressed down hard.

:Are you sur- Vik!" Simon's hand was on my shoulder, and I could practically feel his eyes staring at my arms.

"Yes?" I replied, as if nothing were wrong.

"What's all this?!" he demanded,

"My consciousness in physical form," I answered, dragging my hand upwards. Blood was already dripping down my arm.

"O-oh. Okay…" he said under his breath.

Silence. Deafening silence after that.

"Can I be alone?" I tried to say without being rude.

"Sure." And then he left.

Sure? Sure?! What does that mean? He just left without saying more than "okay" and "sure." Then a wave of disappointment washed over me. I didn't know how I wanted him to react. I just expected _something_. Not whatever happened just then. Maybe I had a naive mindset, but it seemed to me that people made a huge deal out of cases like mine. I guess I'm not a big deal.

Besides, it wasn't fiction. Was I expecting my friends to swoop in and save me from my self-destructive behaviors? It was stupid of me to think that; I wasn't everybody's top priority. Anyways, it was Simon. He's a Sideman. The Sidemen, at least in my eyes, were close to those guys in high school that always picked on other people. Not necessarily bullies, but they ridiculed people who they saw as different or wrong. I've seen how they reacted to people who were depressed, and to people that are gay. It was horrible. Especially considering I was both those things.

It was hard for me to understand why I hadn't already moved out, or cut off communication with them. It just seemed like removing them from my life, was removing a literal part of me. They had been in my life for so long, even if they could be assholes sometimes. The Pack, though, that was a different story.

They were different than the Sidemen, but I couldn't tell whether that was a good or bad thing. I was always hesitant to trust them ,and I had no clue why. I'd always figured because _he's_ in the Pack, but sometimes I couldn't tell. I couldn't tell how they'd react if I showed them my scars. Would they be 100% understanding? Or would they distance themselves from me until I was "better?" _He_ would think I was a freak if he saw. I bet that was what Simon thought when he saw.

My biggest problem wasn't my friend situation, though. It was the upcoming vacation with the Pack. I committed to it before my mental state went to ruins. If I were to cancel on them, it'd eat away at me for the next few _months_. And besides having to see _Lachlan_ again, face to face, I'd have to hide my scars. To hide the length of my arms in Florida's summer weather of thirty degrees?

I was so fucked.


	2. Chapter Two: When it's all banter

Fuck them. Fuck the Sidemen. Fuck Simon and all his shit. He told them. He told the other guys.

"Vik! Open the goddamn door!" Josh shouted. I clenched my teeth in anger.

"Vik, just answer!" Simon yelled. Why? It wasn't like they were chasing me to be "supportive."

"Whatever, he's too busy bitching around and being an attention whore to answer THE FUCKING DOOR!" Ethan spat.

"FUCK OFF!" I screamed. I ran my hands through my hair and paced around my room. My arms were begging for something to feel, but I wasn't going to give in. It'd only be more painful on my fault, but there was no way in hell that I was going to give them satisfaction.

Before my brain could process it, I was curled up in a tiny ball in my office chair, crying. The Sidemen were assholes, but they were still my friends. They all turned against me. Still, I couldn't shake the oddly satisfied feeling beneath the betrayal, hatred, and loneliness.

I had gotten a reaction, unlike when Simon saw. They had pushed and shoved me, insulted me, and threatened to tweet about it, but it was something, wasn't it? The fact that I was thinking like that only proved that I was insane. I was definitely an attention whore at heart. And just in general.

I looked down at me forearms. My sleeves were sloppily rolled up due to the force and sarcasm that JJ had used to see my cuts. The carelessness had managed to reopen about half of them. Blood was dripping down my arm and staining the sleeves of my favorite jumper. I glared at the lack of empty space on my arms.

My phone started beeping like it was having a panic attack. It suddenly occurred to me that I was supposed to be in a Pack group call half an hour ago. I suppose it was almost like a business meeting, on our terms at least. In a panic, I grabbed tissues and stuck them to my arms, rolled my sleeves back down, and quickly looked for the group call in my Skype contacts. A loud groan escaped my lips as I realized that the first thing on the contacts sidebar would be ongoing calls. Surely they would be waiting for me. After taking a few deep breaths and making sure my eyes weren't puffy or anything, I joined the call.

"Hey guys," I muttered, quietly.

"Vik!" Preston exclaimed.

"Why are you late?" Mitch demanded.

"Where were you?" Rob questioned.

"Finally," Jerome muttered.

Lachlan looked distracted.

"I was busy and lost track of time," I said, trying to be as vague as possible.

"Was Vik distracted sexting his Little Lachy?" Rob teased, wiggling his eyebrows. My heart rate sped up and my fists clenched.

"I'm right here. I was here before Vik," Lachlan monotonously replied. My chest tightened at the thought of something being wrong. Was he okay?

"You were 10 minutes late, Lachlan," Preston reminded him.

"I was asleep. You know how fucked up my sleeping schedule is," Lachlan defended. "No thanks to you guys," he added, quietly.

"And your phone kept going off," Rob continued.

"My brother was too lazy to go downstairs to make his own food or even go to my room to ask me to make him something," Lachlan insisted.

"Sure," Preston and Rob said, simultaneously.

"Just fuck off," Lachlan sighed.

"Geez, what's wrong with him?" Jerome asked. Everyone shrugged. I just sat there. My brain wasn't processing what they were saying, but I heard it.

Was Lachlan alright? Did the guys do something? Did _I_ do something? I wanted to do everything in my power to find out was wrong and fix it. I wanted to see a smile back on his face. But then my my heart dropped and my throat tightened as I remembered that Lachlan wasn't anything to me but a friend, a coworker. I had no right to think of him that way.

"Are you still salty about how Vik and I teamed you last night during Risk?" Rob taunted. Jerome laughed.

"You can't even whine, Lachlan! You killed me off - kicked me while I was down - so it's completely fair that you were wiped out," Jerome added.

I suddenly felt guilty. Lachlan was extremely pissed off after the game. The moment the recording ended, he left the call. At the time, it was absolutely hilarious, but afterwards I started feeling guilty. We killed Lachlan because he killed Jerome. Where was the logic in that?

"But you- it was totally-" Lachlan tried to say.

"What? Finish!" Jerome mockingly urged him.

"You know what? I don't care. I'm done-" Lachlan replied, with a raised voice and a sense of defeat.

"What are you going to do, Lachlan? Leave the-" Jerome interrupted. Then Lachlan interrupted him by leaving the call.

"Jesus, it's just a _fucking game_. It's not our fault that he's being a bitch about it," Jerome said under his breath. I wanted to talk back, but I was in no position to say anything. I sighed and ran a hand through my hair.

"What did Lachlan ever- wait. Vik, what's wrong with your sleeve?" Preston asked. I froze.

"What's wrong with my sleeve?" I lied, faking confusion. I looked down at my sleeves to see that bleeding was still staining through.

"Is that blood?" Mitch cautiously asked.

"No, we had a huge food fight in the kitchen. The guys thought it'd be funny to start splashing around food coloring," I explained, trying to sound legitimate.

"Only your sleeves have red food coloring? And there's no other colors on your shirt?" Mitch skeptically continued.

"The guys were aiming for my crotch," I replied bluntly. A chorus of "oh"s echoed through the call. "I totally forgot to change because I was in a rush to get to the call. Would you mind if I went to get changed?" I didn't wait for an answer as I turned off the camera and took off my headset.

I actually did change. I didn't want to ruin the jumper more than I already had. Lachlan had given it to me. It was one of the most important things to me, and it was just a dark grey jumper that said "I AM NOT VIKKSTAR123" in big letters.

Before I put on a hoodie, I peeled off the now red tissues and replaced them with fresh ones because I didn't have a first aid kit or anything in my room. In retrospect, I should've. As I started slipping my hoodie on, I heard yelling coming from my headset. Without turning my facecam on, I put my headset on and sat in my chair.

"-does that mean?! I was weak and you kicked me while I was down!' Jerome yelled. They were still fighting about that?

"It's just a fucking game!" Lachlan argued. I guess he rejoined the call.

"Look who's talking!" Jerome retorted. Lachlan's face was visibly red. Jerome was glaring into the camera. Rob had his hands over his face in a way that said "Are you serious?" Mitch looked like he couldn't find any words to say. Preston was confused.

"I'm mad because you guys are my only friends - _literally_ my only friends - and then you guys just decided-" Lachlan shouted.

"You're my best friend, Lachlan! My _best_ _friend_! Second only to Mitch. How do you think I feel about you killing me just because you were stronger?" Jerome defended.

"It's a _game_!" Lachlan repeated.

"Well, you don't have any right to make that argument, now do you?" Jerome finalized. Lachlan didn't look like he'd let Jerome have the last words.

"Well, maybe I'm just sick of everyone picking on me! I swear, you guys spend half of our group calls firing shots at the Sidemen for always being on Vik's case. No one seems to realize that you guys do the exact same thing to me! I know that I don't fit in that well with you guys, and I know that I try too hard to, but you don't need to remind me. You really don't…" It went dead silent on his side of the call; he must've muted his mic. He buried his face in his hands, leaving me feeling guilty. I wanted to cheer him back up.

"Hey, I'm back," I said weakly, turning my facecam back on. I kept my eyes on Lachlan as I spoke. I saw his head lift a bit and his fingers move a little so I could slightly see his eyes between his fingers. I could feel butterflies in my stomach when his eyes looked straight into his camera. What was this boy doing to me?

In the next five minutes, everything was back to normal. Lachlan was still hesitant to speak, and I kept getting distracted, but otherwise it was all fine. I guess it was all "banter." But that's all it ever is, now. Banter.

"So I was thinking that we could all do a 2v2v2 - obviously with the typical ships because I know the fans will love that-" Mitch started. He continued talking, but I heard yelling outside my room.

"I found the key to Vik's room!" I heard Ethan yell. Why was he even still here? He didn't live here.

"I-I'm sorry for interrupting, but I have to go. Now. Sorry. Bye," I muttered as quick as I could. I left the Skype call and jumped out of my seat.


	3. Chapter Three: Getting out of the closet

Why did they care so much? Why were they bothering to take the time out of their day to make fun of the fact that I was suicidal? I just wanted them to _leave me the fuck alone_.

"Where did you even find the key?" I heard Simon ask.

"In one of the kitchen drawers," Ethan replied. His voice was getting louder. It wasn't possible for me to barricade the door; there was nothing heavy enough to stop them from opening the door that I could lift.

""What are we achieving by going into his room?" Josh questioned. I abruptly stopped scanning the room. Was he defending me?

"To see whether the little bitch is still acting like a fourteen year old girl.," Ethan answered.

"I was thinking more along the lines of taking his blades and seeing how he'll react," Josh suggested. I could hear his smirk through his words. There was a slight chance that he wasn't defending me.

A heavy feeling settled into my gut. I didn't know why I even thought for a second that one of them actually cared for me. Then I realized that I didn't have anywhere to go either. I was stuck in my room. I was a pretty good runner, but they'd either see me running out or they'd already be on the other side of the door.

As their voices got louder and louder, I grabbed my sandwich bag with my blades and my phone and hid in my closet. I was on the verge of a panic attack, and being in an enclosed space would freak me out even more. But I guess I was already in the metaphorical closet, wouldn't I do fine in a literal one?

The door opened.

"Vik?" Simon asked, sarcastically comforting. My breath quickened.

"Fuck you," I muttered. I was already feeling light headed. I actually hated them. But only five more days and I would be in the US, away from them, dealing with a whole new set of problems.

"Where could he have gone?" Simon said, under his breath.

"He's gone," Ethan stated.

"No shit, Sherlock," Josh replied, sarcasm laced into his voice.

"Should we still try to find his blades? It won't be as funny if he's not here," Ethan asked.

"That's true. But, seriously, where could he have gone?" Simon replied.

"Maybe he snuck out of the room when we weren't paying attention?" Ethan suggested.

"But that doesn't make sense. We would've seen him pass by," Josh pointed out, confused.

"You reckon he's hiding in this room?" Ethan said. My heart stopped. No, no, no…

"No, he's not dumb enough to do that. Let's just wait it out then?" Simon asked. I assumed that the other two had nodded as I heard them walk out of the room.

I was too scared to get out of the closet. My breathing didn't seem to be returning to normal anytime soon. What if they didn't actually leave? What if they knew I was in the closet, so they opened and closed the door to make me think they were gone, thus tricking me to get out? I closed my eyes and took a shaky deep breath.

I turned my phone and opened my messages.

 _To: Lachlan Power_

 _Hey, I was wondering if you were available to talk?_

Before thinking, I pressed send. It was 3 AM there. It was only 6 PM here. He wouldn't read it since he was probably sleeping. He was still pretty exhausted in the Skype call. Hell, would he even read it if he were awake? Besides, if I had something important to say, I'd call, not text. If it was very serious, I'd phone call instead of Skype call. Whatever.

I fell asleep in the closet. I only knew this because I woke up in a cramped, dark space. I moved my hands around, trying to slide open the closet door, but it wouldn't move. I started hyperventilating again.

"Dammit, open!" I shouted at the door. I didn't like being stuck in a closet one bit. "Come on, open, open, open-" I repeatedly mumbled. I suddenly paused. This wasn't the door. It was the wall. I turned around and slid the door open. Whoops.

It was dark outside. The sun was only setting when I was in the Skype call. When I checked my phone, I saw that it was 2 AM. Damn, I was in the closet for a while. Then I realized that I didn't have any notifications.

Lachlan didn't answer my text.

It sounded like I was some obsessed schoolgirl or something, but I was just really looking forward to talking to him.

I had noticed something a while ago. Talking to him put me on some sort of high. I felt so happy to hear his voice and to feel so comfortable around him. The moment I was alone, I felt… low. Like nothing happened and I was back to suffocating in my thoughts. That was not so happy.

So maybe it wasn't real love. Part of me _strongly_ felt like it wasn't, but I denied it. I was simply infatuated with him, wasn't I? I was pretty sure. Most of the time, I wasn't sure why I liked him to begin with. He _was_ an amazing friend, the sweetest guy I'd ever met, adorable in both looks and personality…

To put it in the most cliche and stereotypical words, I wasn't good enough for him. Even more stereotypically, I was 99% sure he was straight. When I first developed feelings for him, I doubted the chances he was heterosexual. It was clear he was straight when he introduced us (over Skype) to his girlfriend. I'd never seen him happier. When she cheated on her, he was an _absolute_ wreck. Eventually, he recovered and went back to us happy self, but it was still not the same happiness he held when he was with her. I could never do that, could I?

That was when my door opened.

"Erm, V-Vik?" Simon stuttered. He didn't see me at first, but then he spotted me leaning against the closet.

"Get the fuck away from me," I said under my breath. I didn't even try to be aggressive, it was just a pathetic whimper.

"L-look, I'm sorry," he mumbled, nervous. I rolled my eyes.

"Can I just be alone?" I huffed.

"I regret doing what I did. I feel bad now," he stated.

"Sure. Whatever. Can I be alone now?"

"Please, Vik, just hear me out-" Simon started. My phone buzzed but he didn't notice. My brain focused on the words on the screen instead of Simon.

 _From: Lachlan Power_

 _Surprise news! I've been dating someone the past few weeks, an old friend actually, and I was waiting for the right time to tell you guys. I was wondering if you'd be alright with her coming along on the trip for a bit? (I know it's a bit last minute :/)_

 _She's really important to me. She's really the only reason I recovered from my last break up._

Deep breaths, Vik. Take deep breaths.

 _To: Lachlan Power_

 _Yeah, of course! I'd love to meet her, especially if she's that important to you! :)_

 _From: Lachlan Power_

 _Thank you so much! You're the best :D_

"Vik, are you listening?" Simon hesitantly asked.

I pulled my knees to my chest, hid my face in my sleeves, and tried not to cry.

 _I hope she treats you well, Lachlan..._


	4. Chapter Four: Traveling away

The days blurred by and I found myself sitting in a plane. A nine hour plane ride all to myself. Fun.

I was still in denial. I didn't want to believe that Lachlan was dating a girl. I didn't want to believe that she was coming on the trip. I didn't want to think that I'd probably hear _noises_ in the middle of the night. But I did believe that I had a zero percent chance of getting over my disappointment and loneliness unless Lachlan became less perfect.

I came up with a plan. After all, a giant metal tube that was twelve kilometers in the air possessed the perfect conditions for planning. After the trip, there was no chance I'd live to see another day. I just wasn't. If, somehow, worse came to worst, I'd simply commit suicide _during_ the trip. I had brought my blades and sleeping medication, anyway. Besides, I had spent months perfecting my suicide note, it only made sense put it to good use.

As straightforward as it was, I was done. I was pushed over the line. After contemplating suicide for ages, the past week was the last straw. And what better time to commit suicide than after saying my final goodbyes?

Sitting in the airport was always very boring to me. More often than not, I was waiting to be picked up by a friend who was running late. Just like how I found myself sitting on the curb, staring at passing cabs, cars, and buses.

While fiddling with the hem of my sleeve, I fought the urge to bring out my blades. It had been a whole day since I last cut. It was _so damn itchy_. Damn my addiction to cutting.

Suddenly, a car horn honked right in my face. "What are you doing, Vik? Get your butt up!" a voice yelled. I looked up to see Mitch in the driver's seat of the car with the passenger side window rolled down.

"Hey! That's how you greet me?" I asked, mock offended. I glanced into the backseat window and saw an unfamiliar girl. After a second look, I noticed Lachlan sitting next to her. My chest tightened.

"Only joking. Come here!" Mitch said, getting out of his car. He stopped when he was front of me, and he spread his arms open. His face was basically begging me to hug him.

"No, don't touch me," I told him, dead serious. A look of confusion formed on his face. "Kidding." I just about jumped on him. It felt like forever since I had last seen him in real life.

"Long time, no see, Icky Vikky Sticky," Mitch sighed, pulling away.

"Yeah, I know," I agreed. I saw him glance at my arms.

"Aren't you hot in that sweatshirt? It's almost eighty degrees out here! In fahrenheit, I mean," Mitch asked. In all honest, I was fine. It was a bit humid, but otherwise fine.

"I'm good, thanks for asking though," I replied.

"Come on, then. I'll put your bags in the trunk and you get get in the passenger seat," Mitch suggested.

"You sure? You don't have to do that," I said, guilty about him doing anything for me. He already went through the trouble of picking me up.

"Yeah, I'm sure. Go say hi to Lachlan and his girlfriend," he insisted, shooing me away. Hesitantly, I nodded and got into the car.

I didn't notice before that Lachlan was head was rested on his girlfriend's shoulder, and she looked wide awake.

"Hey, I'm Natalie. You're Vik, right?" Lachlan's told me a lot about you, " she greeted. I didn't think it was possible, but my life got even more cliche. She was one of the most beautiful girls I had ever seen and she had kindness almost literally oozing out of her. Don't get the wrong idea, I was one hundred percent gay, but I knew when I saw someone who looked generally attractive.

"Yeah, I'm Vik," I said, plastering a fake smile on my face. "I wish I could say that I've hear about you, but I kind of didn't know you existed. No offense," i added. Shit. I didn't think there could have been a worse introduction. I knew that if she didn't like me, Lachlan would "suddenly decide" that I wasn't worth his time. I wasn't, but it was nice that he bothered with me.

"Yeah, I know," she laughed. "Lachlan wanted to… surprise you guys? I have no clue why he didn't tell you until now. I'm also really sorry about coming last minute."

"No, no, it's fine." It definitely wasn't fine. "I'm sure the vacation will be better now that you're here." If better meant staying in my room, avoiding any social interaction.

"I'm only going to stay this one week. Hopefully that's enough time to get to know you all!" she told me, cheerfully.

I internally sighed in relief. At least one week of being locked in my room. But who knew how much could happen in a week?

Mitch opened the driver's door and slid into the front glanced at Natalie, and then at me. His eyes lingered on my face, and he noticed that I saw. "Something wrong?" he mouthed. I shook my head, signaling a no. He raised an eyebrow. "We're definitely talking later, Vik. We really need to catch up," he spoke out loud. Wow, subtle.

Then the car ride got very awkward. It obviously wasn't intentional, but I knew that Mitch and I didn't want to talk in front of Natalie, someone we only just met. Otherwise, we would be talking to no end. I felt uncomfortable even thinking about trying to bring up a topic of conversation.

"Vik?" Mitch asked, under his breath.

"Hmm?" I hummed in response, pretending to be interested in all the palm trees.

"I knew that was blood, last week during that group call. That was blood on your sleeve," he whispered.

"What makes you think that?" I replied, acting clueless.

"The fact that food coloring doesn't look like that and how you're bleeding right now," he answered. I took a look at my sleeves, and they were definitely stained red. I had been subconsciously scratching my wrists.

"Shit.." I mumbled. I looked at the rear view mirror and, fortunately, Lachlan was still asleep and Natalie had earbuds in.

"It's not what I think it is, is it?" he cautiously asked. Lie or tell the truth?

"It depends what you're thinking," I muttered. Guess I chose to be vague.

"You know what I'm thinking," he snapped, his voice raised.

"Did you say something?" Natalie asked, pulling out an earbud.

"No, I was just talking to Vik," Mitch replied. She nodded and flashed a smile before she put her earbud back in. Mitch sent a glare my way.

He definitely wasn't going to let me get away without talking.


	5. Chapter Five: Late night confessions

"Lachlan, wake up," Natalie said, trying to shake Lachlan awake.

"Why is he so tired anyway? I mean, you're wide awake," Mitch asked. I got out of the car and started making my way to the trunk.

"He was awake for nearly the whole flight; I was asleep for the most of it," she explained. Mitch walked over to me and unlocked the trunk.

"Maybe now his sleeping schedule will match up with Australia's," Mitch joked. I grabbed my suitcase and backpack out of the truck and made my way towards the front door. "Jerome should be home, just ring the doorbell!" Mitch yelled as he started helping Natalie and the still asleep Lachlan. I nodded and faced the door. I rang the doorbell and I could faintly hear slow footsteps approach the door.

"Hey, look! The Vikkstar I ordered finally came in the mail!" Jerome greeted.

"That would be $150," I replied, holding my hand out. He rolled his eyes and pulled me into a hug.

"Welcome to the US!" he said, pulling back. "I'll show you to your room so you can put your stuff aside."

"Are there enough rooms for everyone to have their own?" I asked as we walked upstairs.

"Well, originally, we were going to have it so that you and Preston would share a room and Rob and Lachlan would share. That would leave an extra bedroom just incase someone surprise visits or someone brings someone over or whatever. We changed it up since Lachlan brought his girlfriend. This is your room by the way," he answered, pointing to a doorway. As I walked in, he continued, "Lachlan said he's fine with sharing a room with his girlfriend and I think Preston and Rob secretly want to sleep together - you know, Poofless - so they'll be sharing. You get a room to yourself."

"And what about recording?" I continued. I put my stuff neatly against the wall and sat down on the bed. Damn, I was tired. I didn't exactly remember when the last time I slept was.

"Five of us can record at once, in his own room. You, me, Mitch, and Lachlan all have our own rooms to record in. Preston and Rob will have to take turns or do videos together or something," he explained.

"I still can't believe that I'm seeing the whole Pack in real life again…" I mumbled. My eyelids were getting heavy.

"I'm going to leave you here to pass out," Jerome said, closing the blinds and leaving the room. I let my back hit the bed and my eyelids close.

I woke up at night. I had no clue how long I slept - hell, I didn't even remember what time I landed in the US - but it was definitely nighttime. I doubted that anyone was awake, That is, until I heard things falling from downstairs.

As I made my way towards the kitchen, a smug look found its way to my face. I had escaped conversation with Mitch. My insomnia did something good for me for once. My self-destructive behaviors were not something I was ready to talk about, especially after what happened with the Sidemen.

When I found my way to the kitchen, I saw Lachlan picking up plastic tupperware from the ground. He was trying to shove the tupperware into an open cabinet. It was adorable how rushed he looked. He was probably scared of anyone waking up because of the mess he made.

"Lachlan? What are you doing?" I spoke up. He jumped and turned around, accidentally knocking more tupperware onto the ground.

"Geez, Vik, you scared me," he breathed, putting his hand on his heart. "I was looking for a cup and then this happened…"

"Only you can pull this off," I mumbled, shaking my head.

"Hey," he said, pointing at me a finger at me, "that is completely true." I smiled. At least he could admit it. I just started picking up the tupperware from the ground.

"How have you been? You were asleep last I saw you," I asked after cleaning everything up. I opened up the refrigerator to look for a small snack. I felt a bit guilty about looking through someone else's kitchen, but I was almost sure that they wouldn't mind. I grabbed a cheese stick and turned to Lachlan. "Want anything to eat?"

"I've been fantastic!" he exclaimed, spinning around in circles with arms spread out. He almost knocked over a bowl next to the sink.

"Do you want anything to eat?" I repeated, trying my best not to laugh too loudly. He quickly shook his head.

"Nope, I ate a little while ago. I can't sleep," he answered, bouncing on his heels.

"How much sugar have you had?" I sighed, putting my hands on his shoulders, trying to get him to stop bouncing.

"None," he chirped.

"Then why are you so hyper?" I whined.

"Dunno," he shrugged.

"Ugh, I don't think you'll ever adjust to a normal sleeping schedule," I told him.

"Neither will you, by the looks of it," he pointed out. That was a fair point. "So, have you met Natalie?" He grabbed my arm and dragged me to the chairs next to kitchen counter. That hurt. A lot. And somehow he didn't notice my blood stained sleeve. Damn, I was ruining a lot of my t-shirts.

"Yeah, I think you guys would be really cute together. I mean, I don't know, you were asleep when I met her," I lied, sending him a fake smile.

"Really? That's a relief," he said, letting out a deep breath.

"Why is that a relief?" I asked, confused.

"I thought you wouldn't like her or something. I mean, if you didn't like her, I would've broken up with her straightaway, even though I really like her-" he explained at a hundred miles per hour.

"Slow down before you run out of breath," I suggested. He took a few deep breaths. "Do you really value my opinion that much?"

"Of course! You're, like, my best friend; I'd like to believe that, in situations where I can be blinded by my own opinion, you'd have my best interests at heart. If you thought that I'd only get hurt dating Natalie, I'd take that to heart and break up with her," he responded, a small smile on his face. A frown fell onto my lips as I thought about how out of reach he was. There wouldn't be a world where I had a chance with him. I was me and he was him. "Are you okay?"

"Yeah, I'm fine," I mumbled. Yup, that was totally believable.

"I'm not _stupid_ , Vik. You're obviously not fine. Tell me?" Lachlan said, looking me dead in the eye. His clear blue eyes made my breath hitch; something about them scared the living shit out of me, but I still found them to be his best physical features.

"It's stupid…" I mumbled. What was I going to tell him? It was too late to say it was nothing, because it sure as hell doesn't seem like nothing. Maybe I could say, 'Hey, I'm kind of in love with you, but you're kind of dating someone else. By the way, it's mainly your fault that I'm planning my death as we speak.'

"Tell me, please? It's not stupid if it affects you this much. I want to help," he continued, grabbing my right hand and playing with my fingers. He didn't notice anything. But what was he doing? Whatever it was made me feel like I was going to projectile vomit butterflies.

"I'm gay," I blurted. "I haven't told anyone besides my parents." His whole body froze. Fuck. I made a mistake. I shouldn't have told him that.

"Are they okay with it?" he asked. He started rubbing the back of my hand with his thumb. I wanted to cry. Was he trying to lead me on?

"Yeah, I'm very fortunate to have an accepting family. I came out to them in high school, but I think they had a feeling I was gay for a while before that. Now you know, too," I told him, truthfully.

"I have absolutely no problem with that, okay?" he promised, looking me in the eyes and holding my hand in both of his.

"I don't doubt you," I replied, giving a small smile.

"I'm glad. You know, if we're being honest here, I've dated a couple guys myself," he admitted. I was completely taken aback.

"Seriously?!" I whisper-shouted.

"I don't think that I'm supposed to tell you, but… I dated Preston a while back. It was a mutual break up, though. I mean, we lived on opposite sides of the world. He liked Rob anyway- oh, shit," he said, covering his mouth with his hands. His hands were so warm, and now it felt cold.

"Poofless?" I mumbled. A small giggle bubbled from his lips.

"Oh, well. Now you know. But just imagine if Poofless became canon! It'd be so cute!" he squaled, bouncing in his seat. He was way too adorable for his own good. I gave a hesitant smile.

"They're rooming you know," I said.

"I can't tell if that was a good or bad decision," he laughed.

"Seriously , though… Wait, are they together?" I asked.

"I don't know, actually. If they aren't, this'll be that extra push to get them together," he joked, wiggling his eyebrows. We both burst into laughter.

"Shut up," a weak voice said. Lachlan and I looked at each other, then simultaneously looked towards the nearest door: Mitch's office. The two of us walked over to the doorway and peeked inside. Mitch was sat with his legs crossed in his chair and his head rested on his desk.

"Mitch?" Lachlan whispered, reaching to poke Mitch. Mitch lazily swatted Lachlan's hand away.

"Get a room so I don't have to hear you guys fuck each other," he mumbled. I covered my face with my hands. That _was not_ what we were doing (though I think we all know that I wish that was what was happening).

"Why aren't you asleep in - you know - maybe your room?" Lachlan giggled, poking Mitch again.

"Fixing computer… recovering files…" he murmured. I took a deep breath and dropped my arms to my side. "What time is it?"

"Three AM," Lachlan replied after glancing at his phone. Mitch sighed and groggily sat up.

"I have to pick up Rob from the airport in forty-five minutes," he said. Lachlan turned to face me and grabbed my shoulders.

"We need to come up with a Poofless plan!" he whisper-shouted, dragging me by my arm. He pulled me upstairs and stopped in front of two doors. "Which is your room?" I pointed to the one on the left and he dragged me in. It took him a few seconds to find the light switch.

"Poofless plan?" I asked.

"Yeah! They're not together yet, so we'll get them together!" he exclaimed.

"What if they are and they haven't told us?" I told him..

"Do you really think that Rob and Preston would be the kind of people to keep their relationship a secret? They'd want the whole world to know," he pointed out. I shrugged. That was true.

"Where did this come from anyway? You just went full out fangirl all of the sudden," I sighed.

"Poofless just needs to be canon, okay?! It just needs to be!" he shouted.

"Quiet down!" Mitch sang from downstairs. Lachlan was way too excited to let anything damper his mood. He just lowered his voice and continued.

"Brainstorming, go!"

"Wait, let's just get some things cleared up first. Preston still likes Rob?" I asked. He nodded enthusiastically. "Does Rob like Preston?" He shrugged. "And what if he doesn't?"

"I don't know, actually… That'd kill Preston, wouldn't it?" he said with a frown. "What does it even feel like to be in an unrequited love situation? Not saying that Preston is _in love_ , because he never said-" He suddenly stopped. I knew what it was like to love someone who didn't love you back. What's this?" He grabbed my left arm and stared at the blood stains.

"Nothing, it's nothing," I snapped, pulling my arm out of his grip.

"Vik…" he sighed. I knew that he understood. He knew why there was blood on my sleeve. I already had Mitch on my case, I didn't need Lachlan on it too. He slid my sleeve up a tiny bit. I didn't stop him. It wasn't far enough to see any of the words I had written on that arm.

"Whatever, you better not tell anyone," I grumbled.

"Vik," he said, "I'm not going to tell anyone. That is, only if you explain yourself."

"Fine."


	6. Chapter Six: Never 100 percent honest

"Where do you even want me to start?" I asked, a little annoyed.

"Wherever you need to start to explain," he vaguely answered.

"Thanks for the useful answer. Fine, I'll just give you the short story. I hate myself and I've been planning my death. After I go home, I'll be gone," I deadpanned.

"Why? Why would you ever resort to that?" he replied, more curious than anything.

"What do I have to look forward to? What have I contributed to this world? Who will miss me?" I pointed out.

"You have to give yourself a reason to live, Vik," he said.

There was something about his reaction that actually made me stop and think. He reacted to start off with, unlike Simon. He wasn't making fun of me, like the rest of the Sidemen did. He wasn't completely overreacting and sobbing. No one I knew had ever done that, cry over me, but I had always thought that people would and they never did.

"I've given up finding reasons to live," I sighed. Any traces of a good mood in either of us had evaporated.

"Why?" he pressed on.

"It doesn't do shit for me. I find reasons, and the reasons get bored. Don't I have every reason to give up?" I continued.

"Fine, that's a fair point," he admitted. "What if _I_ help you find a reason to live?"

"Like what? What could you possibly do?" I retorted.

"I could find you someone to care for," he suggested.

"I do have someone to care for, it's just very one sided," I mumbled.

"Who?" he asked, softly. Fuck. What was I going to say? I was stupid. The bitchy side of me wanted everyone to pay attention to me, so wouldn't I only be satisfying it by telling Lachlan I loved him?

"It's not a name you want to hear," I replied, honestly. I felt tears prick at my eyes. Fuck my life. The past few weeks had been some of my worst. I needed my blade. I needed it so bad.

"You can tell me anything," he said. He grabbed my wrists. I didn't even notice that I was scratching my arms through my sleeves. Was I going to be honest?

"Preston," I blurted out.

"Preston?!" he whisper-shouted. I forced myself to nod. Preston? What was I thinking? "Oh god, I feel horrible."

"Why? You didn't do anything…" I mumbled. All he did was take my foundation to live. That wasn't anything.

"I told you that Preston likes Rob. That's probably the worst thing I could say to you. I'm so, so, so sorry," he explained. Suddenly his arms were wrapped around me. I didn't know what to do, so I cried.

"I hate it, Lachlan. I hate knowing that the person that I- I… love couldn't give a shit about me," I admitted. It was all true. But I didn't care if Preston gave a shit about me, all I cared about was Lachlan.

"Shh, calm down, Vik," he whispered, tightening his embrace. I felt guilty. I didn't deserve his attention. I wasn't worth it. This attention was meant for someone he cared for, someone that wasn't me.

"I-I need to be alone, please," I stuttered. He pulled away enough for me to see his face.

"It's not my place to do this, but I'm not letting you be alone. We both know what you'll do if you are," he said.

"Why do you even care?" I sighed, staring at the back of my hands.

"Look, you're one of the most important people in my life. Since you've known me, you've always been there for me. I can't stop you from doing anything to yourself - especially after you go back home. Do whatever you want when you're home. Here, we're spending time with each other and the rest of the Pack," he stated. I sighed again and curled up in a ball in his arms. I tried to hide the fact that my heart was racing out of my chest.

"What time is it?" I asked who knew how long later. He checked his phone.

"It's 4:30 now. Mitch should be back with Rob, if he isn't already. Do you think you'll be okay? Preston is coming later today?" he replied. I had to lie. I had to act like I liked Preston.

"I should be fine, unless they start flirting with each other," I lied. To be honest, I probably would get pissed if I saw any PDA at all because I got annoyed and jealous of couples. They had what I never would.

"Are you going to be mad at Rob or anything?" he asked.

'I don't see why I would be mad at him. It's not his fault…" I mumbled.

"It almost hurts me that you're so… okay with this," he sighed. I shrugged.

"Who knows, maybe it'll all pass. Maybe he just deserves better and I don't want to interfere with what could make him happy. Maybe I'm contemplating just... going home," I whispered.

"Don't. Please. If… if you actually c-commit - erm - suicide, then at least spend your last month with us. Please," he begged.

"W-why don't you just go back to Natalie…" I snapped, suddenly annoyed.

"What?" He was taken aback by the sudden change of topic.

"If you really care, then let me be alone. Just for a bit." He thought for a moment.

"Fine. If that's what you really want," he finally said. He let go of me and left the room. It was already so lonely, but I didn't know how much longer I would last talking to him. I spent the majority of my time in my room when I was back home. Everyone ignored me and I was completely fine with that. It was already so different being around people who wanted my company.

I took a deep breath and wrapped a blanket around my shoulders. The trip would be the literal death of me, I swear. I greatly doubted that I would make the whole month. There were already too many things to wrap my head around.

I had to pretend that I was in love with Preston. That couldn't be too hard, could it? Surely, I could avoid him and act like it hurt to see him. I could avoid that problem. But I was potentially spending a week being the _seventh_ wheel. Obviously, there was Lachlan and Natalie. I was almost sure that Rob liked Preston, and the two flirted as a _joke_ anyway, so there was also Poofless. Then, there was whatever Mitch and Jerome were. None of us could tell if they were friends, boyfriends, friends with benefits, nothing. That was a possible three couples I'd be stuck with. The best thing I could do was keep to myself.

Hiding my scars would still be difficult. It would be boiling hot in Florida, and the only way I could hide my arms was with sleeves. I'd probably get heat stroke _really_ quickly, knowing my luck. I didn't want anyone else to find out. It was bad enough that Mitch and Lachlan knew. Besides, I didn't want a repeat of what happened with the Sidemen.

"Vik?" a voice asked, interrupting my thoughts. Who was it?

"Uh, come in?" I replied, still not sure of who it was. The door opened a crack, and I saw Mitch poke his head in.

"Where'd Lachlan go?" he thought out loud. I felt my throat tighten.

"He went back to his room," I mumbled, pulling my blanket up to my nose. Mitch took a seat next to me. I wanted Lachlan there, not MItch, no matter how long it had been since I'd last seen Mitch. I scowled at how selfish I realized I was.

"I'm not leaving until I get answers," Mitch said, looking at where my arms were through the blanket.

"What questions are there to be answered? I cut, so what?" I snapped. The past had been so emotionally exhausting. Mitch barely reacted, anyway.

"So what? _So what?_ This isn't some small thing. This isn't something you can just keep to yourself-" he retorted.

"I've already told someone else, is that not good enough? Mind your own business," I sighed.

"But, Vik," he started.

"No. This isn't your problem, Mitch," I insisted. Without warning, he ripped the blanket off me and pulled my left sleeve up. I tried to pull away, but he was way stronger than me.

"Holy shit," he breathed. "Is that- does that say… Lachlan?"

I jumped up and ran into where I thought the bathroom was. Lucky me, it wasn't someone else's room and nobody was in there. I locked the door as quick as I could. I knew going to Florida was a horrible idea. I couldn't survive a single, fucking day.

I screamed. I screamed at the top of my lungs in frustration. Everything was too hard. Everything just needed to stop. I knew Mitch wouldn't tell anyone why I was screaming because he was never the person to just tell secrets, but Lachlan would tell people if he thought it was for the better. I stopped caring, though. I was so sick of my own shit that maybe it was better if everyone hated me. I didn't care if I woke up anyone, either. It'd just make it easier on their parts.

My breathing started getting faster and faster, and I heard a few voices yelling.I covered my ears with my hands and sat against the wall. All I could hear was my ragged breathing and racing heart. Everything else was muffled out. I could feel tears dripping down my face. I was having an anxiety attack.

I never had a solid way of calming myself down. No one else would even know how to help me to start off with, so I had to rely on my clueless and fearful self. I would usually try to distract myself with my blade, but I left it in my backpack. Whether it be playing or listening, music would help too. No one in the right mind would bring a keyboard to another country just because, and, of course, I left my phone in my room. I didn't know what else to do besides cry and furiously scratch at my arms.

"Vik?" a voice whispered. I had no clue how long I was locked in the bathroom.

"What?" I responded. I finally stopped hyperventilating.

"Can I come in?" the voice asked. It was definitely Mitch.

"No, please don't," I murmured. It was his house, so he obviously had the key to his own bathroom. Hopefully, he would respect my privacy and let me stay.

"Was that… a name? On your arm? That's all I want to know," he said.

"Yes," I answered, simply. If I had to act like I loved Preston, maybe one person should know that I actually didn't.

"Do you like that person? In a more than a friend way?" he continued. He was talking quietly and avoiding saying names, so I assumed that there were other people near him.

"I love him," I admitted. I could hear Mitch struggle with his words.

"Is he talking about… Preston?" I heard Lachlan ask Mitch. Lachlan wasn't being careful with words. If Mitch didn't know anything, I would have been fucked.

"What is he talking about, Vik?" Mitch questioned. Lachlan's voice was farther away than Mitch's. Lachlan wouldn't hear me.

"I told him that I liked Preston. I don't," I told him.

"Yeah. What will we do when Preston gets here?" Mitch lied. Thank god for him. I wiped the tears off my face and managed to open the door. Mitch and Lachlan were the only ones on the other side of the door.

"I'm fine," I stated, walking out of the bathroom. I didn't bother to roll down my sleeves, so both of them could see the reopened and bleeding cuts.

"Let me clean this up," Lachlan said under his breath, pulling me back into the bathroom. He managed to find hydrogen peroxide, gauze, disinfectant cream, and medical tape.

"Um, I'll do it!" Mitch yelled. Lachlan paused, confused. "Uh, I took a lot of basic medical training growing up, let me do it." Mitch saved me. Otherwise, Lachlan would have found his own name amongst the other angry, red lines.

"Sure?" Lachlan replied, still very confused. Lachlan looked into my eyes and hesitated. It looked like he was having a hard time making the decision to leave. "I'll be downstairs."

Mitch walked into the bathroom once Lachlan left. He took some toilet paper and put some hydrogen peroxide on it. He dabbed it across both my forearms. The blood foamed and bubbled on my arm, yet it didn't sting. He waited a little before wiping my arms clean and putting on disinfectant cream. He placed the gauze pads along my arm and used the tape to keep them down.

"Thank you," I mumbled, before walking back into my room.


	7. Chapter Seven: The sting of a paper cut

After I changed my shirt, I went into the kitchen. Lachlan was the only one there.

"Did I wake anyone up?" I asked as I took a seat next to him. He looked up from his phone.

"No. Natalie is a deep sleeper and she had music playing through her earbuds. Rob wasn't asleep, but we told him not to worry. Well, more like insisted. Jerome was actually out of the house. I have no clue what Jerome could be doing this early," he replied.

"So… Rob is awake then?" I continued. He nodded.

"Yeah. He might be the only one with a normal sleeping schedule," he joked. I gave a half hearted laugh and looked at my lap.

I didn't know what to say to Lachlan. I was still getting used to the fact that he knew. My scars were probably my best kept secret until recently. They weren't a secret anymore. Mitch and Lachlan could say a few simple words and I'd become the emo fag, just like how it was with Simon. I was the only person I could trust.

To be honest, I was actually starting to doubt myself. At the time, I thought it was a good idea to explain to Lachlan why I cut and tell Mitch that I loved Lachlan. I was quickly starting to regret making those decisions. I simply couldn't trust them. They seemed okay with what I told them, they seemed to be non judgemental, but for all I knew, they could be thinking about how selfish I was.

"Do you want to listen to music?" Lachlan asked, holding out an earbud. The other one was already in his ear. I nodded and put the earbud in. "Is this okay" The intro to the Monstercat Podcast started playing and I nodded.

I actually really like Monstercat. It was a bit random, considering I actually listened to a lot of classical music, but I still listened to it a lot. Besides listening to Flight by Tristam & Braken because it reminded me of Lachlan, I listened to the Monstercat Podcast a lot. I listened to episode fifty-five a lot because I loved the music featured in that episode, but I never said anything about it. No matter what kind, music was just a pretty big part of my life.

Growing up, the piano was always important to the way it looked was beautiful and elegant. The keys had a pattern that made sense, yet still managed to look sound it made momentarily captivated me, making me temporarily forget all the shit that was going on. The music that could be produced from the piano could send shivers down my spine. Some pieces could just about control my emotions.

Mitch and Rob walked into the kitchen, all dressed up and ready for the day. To be fair, it was six AM, but that was still very early.

"Hey. Vik," Rob greeted, walking over to me. He gave me a quick hug. "You okay, bud?" I nodded. "That's cute," he whispered, pointing at the earbud cord in between me and Lachlan. I just shook my head and pretended that I found what he said funny.

"Lachlan, Vik. Do either of you want anything? Rob and I are cooking breakfast," Mitch asked. I looked over to Lachlan. I didn't notice before, but there was a notebook in front of him. He was writing words, not drawing anything, so I tried not to read what was on the paper. I caught the phrases "immature behavior" and "fucking stupid" before I turned away, realizing that I was intruding his privacy.

Then it all sunk in. He was writing about me, wasn't he? He was writing about how immature I was by making the decision to channel my problems into a piece of metal. I heard it all from the Sidemen and I had thought them myself, but, coming from him, it stung. It stung more than when my blade cut through clean skin and hurt more than when healing scars were poked at. It stung like a paper cut, and this was all caused by graphite on lined paper. The realization made me physically hurt.

"Were either of you listening?" Mitch snapped, trying to get our attention. Both of us looked up at him. "Do you guys want breakfast?"

"No, thanks," we answered at the same time. Rob just shrugged. Mitch looked slightly disappointed. I guess he was looking forward to making us food. I couldn't blame him; Mitch and Rob were actually amazing cooks. I just wasn't in the mood to eat. Very literally. I just couldn't eat when I felt like shit.

"So, Vik? How've you been?" Rob asked as he pulled out a carton of eggs.

"Good," I mumbled. What more could I say? It wasn't like it had been ages since I last talked to him. I talked to him right before my flight. Lachlan looked at me with a raised eyebrow. Obviously, I wasn't fine, but I was not going to tell another person anything. I just stuck my middle finger in Lachlan's face.

"Meet any girls?" he teased, doing some weird, suggestive dance. The combination of the dance and the fact that I was gay made me nearly crack up. I could tell Lachlan was thinking the same thing.

"Rob, you asked him that last time we Skyped him. You know I'm not even exaggerating when I say that you ask him that every time you talk to him. Do you really think that he found someone he really likes in that amount of time?" Mitch said. Rob shrugged.

"What about you then? Got your eye on anyone?" Lachlan joked. I saw him send a worried glance toward me.

"Actually, yes," Rob answered, after staying silent for a few seconds.

"Who?" Lachlan insisted. He was looking between me and Rob.

"Look at you, sounding so desperate. It's not you Lachy, You are adorable, though," Rob replied, walking over to Lachlan with a spatula in his hand. He moved the spatula from his left hand to his right hand and ruffled Lachlan's hair. Lachlan made a small pouty face.

"Seriously, though. Rob. You can't just do that. You can't not tell us who you're talking about," Mitch sighed.

"Well, I just did," he sang.

"Do you think it's Preston?" Lachlan whispered, worried. His concern almost made up for the fact that he was writing shit about me. Almost.

"I-I don't know. I hope not," I lied. I looked away from him.

"I'm sure Preston will like you back. If not now, eventually. Okay? You deserve it," he replied, putting an arm around the back of my chair.

"What're you 'lil cuties whispering about over here?" Rob interrupted. He was suddenly behind us. I could've sworn he was just at the stove. How did he get there so quick?

"Why're you so energetic?" Lachlan sighed.

"I'm fueled by the suffering of you two," he responded, swiftly. He ruffled Lachlan's hair again.

"Why?" Lachlan whined, running his hands through his hair.

"What're you writing, Lachlan?" Rob asked, picking up Lachlan's notebook.

"What the hell?! Give it back!" Lachlan snapped, snatching the notebook out of Rob's hand. I sighed and rested my head on the table. That only further proved that he was writing about me. I saw Rob walk back to the stove from the corner of my eye.

"Would either of you mind making me a coffee?" I mumbled.

"Any sugar or cream?" Mitch replied.

"Just black coffee, please," I answered., my head still on the counter.

"Here," he said a moment afterward, placing a mug in front of my face. What the hell? You couldn't make coffee that fast. It was, like, physically impossible. I guess he saw my confused expression because he continued, "I had a feeling you would want some, a little while ago."

"Thank you."

As I took small sips from the mug, I noticed Lachlan staring off into space. Or more like a RedBull can. He was staring at it like it was the most interesting thing. He was chewing on his bottom lip with a small frown. I was mad at him, yet I still wasn't. It wasn't fair how he made me crumble. Why did he have to be so… him?

I changed my focus from Lachlan to the song playing in the background. I recognized what episode it was. It was episode fifty five. The song Friends by Grabbitz was playing. That was why I loved that episode. The Friends EP was what was featured in that episode.I didn't know why I made such a big deal of it, but I was. Of all the episodes that could've been played, that one was the one that did? I just shook my head. Whatever, it wasn't a huge deal.

"You okay, Lachlan?" I whispered, nudging Lachlan's arm. He blinked a few times before he turned to look at me.

"What? Oh, I'm fine," he mumbled, looking back at the RedBull can.

"I'm not going to press on, but you really can't expect me to believe you," I replied, taking another sip of my coffee. He shrugged. I saw him glance at the counter. Before I knew it, he was holding my hand, gently rubbing a cut on the back of my hand with his thumb. If Rob or Mitch turned around, they'd see him holding my hand. What would they think of that?

"Why do you keep doing that?" I asked, looking at our hands. As soon as I started saying it, I regretted bringing anything up. He'd only think that I was weirded out by it and he'd stop doing it. I didn't want that to happen, and I could not deny that.

"Oh, sorry, do you not like that?" he said, hastily letting go of my hand.

"No, no! It's fine!" I insisted. "I'm just…. confused as to why you keep… grabbing my hands."

"I-I don't know… I can't even say it's a habit because I haven't even been in many relationships- not that I think about you in a romantic way. Wait, no, I mean- not that you're unattractive, but I don't do that because-" Lachlan stuttered. He didn't take a single breath during any of that. God, he was so adorable.

"I know what you mean," I assured him. He gave an embarrassed smile and took a deep breath.

"Erm… yeah. I don't know. I… kinda like it," he mumbled. He stared at the counter as I saw his cheeks turn red.

"How cute," Rob smirked.

"Fuck you," we snapped, in unison.

Lachlan just called me attractive, didn't he?

At ten o'clock (AM), Mitch had to go to the airport to pick up Preston. Mitch had planned on going alone, after all, it'd be a quick trip there and back, but Lachlan convinced Mitch to let me tag along. I really didn't want to go, but Lachlan was stubborn and I had a lie to live up to. Lachlan had shoved me into Mitch's car before I knew it.

"This'll be a fun trip for you, won't it?" Mitch asked as he slid into the driver's seat.

"Yup, this'll surely be the best month of my life," I replied.

"Are you going to pretend to like Preston around Preston?" Mitch wondered out loud.

"I'd have to, wouldn't I? It wouldn't be believable otherwise," I said. He shrugged.

"I guess. Now buckle up."It was about a thirty minute drive to the airport. Mitch stayed silent the whole drive, so I was left to my thoughts.

I still couldn't shake off the thought that Lachlan was writing about me. He was writing about how stupid and immature I was. Sure, I thought that without anyone else having to say it, but it was so different when it was coming from someone I loved. It was a whole different kind of sadness than my usual self loathing.

"Icky Vikky!" Preston's voice shouted. I didn't even notice that the car had stopped at all. Preston was standing on the pavement, which was right next to my window. I plastered a smile on my face and waved. Almost right after, he climbed into the backseat and brought in his suitcase.

"Hey, Preston," Mitch greeted. I gave another small wave.

"Vik is here! What a surprise!" Vik said. He seemed unsure of his words. He probably didn't want me there. I didn't want to be there. He was probably wishing that Rob was sitting where I was instead of me. That was fair.

"Yeah, it's me," I mumbled, giving a forced laugh.

"You're really playing up to your role," Mitch whispered.

"Shut, up, I don't know what else to say," I growled.

"Are you sure you actually like Lachlan?" he teased.

"Do you think I'd cut his name into my arm if I didn't?" I snapped. He stayed silent.

"So… The Pack is all together again," Preston interrupted.

"Yeah, I'm excited," I lied.

The Pack was in one place now. I couldn't tell if that was a good thing or bad thing anymore.


	8. Chapter Eight: Noises in the night

Three days into the trip and I still hadn't fixed my sleeping schedule. It was four AM and I was sitting up in my bed, wide awake. I had no entertaining games on my phone and, besides, I didn't want to keep myself even more awake with the light of my phone. Music would keep me awake as well, unless I was playing the piano, which I obviously didn't have with me.

"Hng, please," I heard a voice beg. I froze. Whose voice was that? In what context should I take it? What if that was Lachlan and Natalie?

I had no clue why I did it, but I tried to find the source of the noise. As I listened more closely, I realized that there was just plain moaning mixed in with whispering. That made my heart sink. What if I found Lachlan and Natalie, seconds away from fucking each other? How would I react? No. I had to check. I had to make sure that it wasn't them. I had to.

Eventually, I found myself downstairs, about to turn the corner into the living room. Whoever was making the noise _had_ to be there, presumably on the couch or something. I was scared, angry, stressed; a lot of things. Before I could think anymore, I took a quiet step into the room.

There stood Preston and Rob. From what I immediately saw, I noticed that Rob had Preston pinned to the wall, they were making out, and there were bulges in both of their pants. That could possibly mean that Rob liked Preston back.

"What the fuck?!" I blurted. Both of them froze and slowly turned towards me.

"Vik?" Preston mumbled. I took a step backwards.

"Um… We can explain-" Rob started, unsure of himself. I didn't let him finish, as I bolted back upstairs. I was definitely playing up to my role. I wasn't necessarily emotionally hurt by two of my closest friends about to have sex, I was just traumatized.

I found myself staring at the door that leads into Lachlan and Natalie's room. I knew I wouldn't be able to keep what I saw a secret, so I might as well tell Lachlan as if I had a broken heart, right? I probably shouldn't. I was just so confused. How was I supposed to react to what just happened? I knocked on the door.

"Vik?" Natalie questioned, after answering the door. For some reason, I had expected Lachlan to answer the door and I froze. There was no reason for me to be surprised, considering it was their room. Not just Lachlan's.

"Hey, Natalie," I mumbled, awkwardly.

"Looking for Lachlan, right?" she asked. I nodded. "He just went to the bathroom. Um... You can wait here, if you want. Or I could send him to your room when he comes back. Whatever you prefer."

"Erm... I'll be in my room," I said under my breath, rushing back to my room.

A huge part of me was relieved that it easy Lachlan and Natalie. I had no clue what I would do if it was. It was hard enough to accept that they were a couple, never mind sexually active with each other. The thought made me physically sick.

I probably sounded so emotionless, the way I talked about sex. To me, the idea of it was pointless. I didn't see it as something emotional, either good or bad. Sex existed for reproduction and nothing more. People merely made it that way. It was nothing more than fucking. Then again, who would listen to a virgin?

"Vik? You okay?" Lachlan whispered as he pushed the door open. I took a deep breath and shook my head. "What happened?"

"Uh... Preston- he- erm," I stuttered. I didn't know how to put what happened into words.

"Preston? What about Preston?" he demanded, rushing over to sit down next to me. I took another deep breath.

"I saw Preston and Rob making out," I said as quickly as I could. His eyes widened.

"What?!" he whisper-shouted. "Holy shit, holy shit... Are you okay? What am I saying? Of course you're not okay. Geez, that's a weird thing to think to think about. Are you sure that's what was happening?"

"Slow down, Lachlan," I suggested. He tended to forget to breath when he was excited or worried. "And yes, I'm one hundred percent sure that they were making out. Rob had Preston pinned to the wall... and they were moaning... and..." I gave a loud, annoyed groan and turned around to faceplant into pillows.

"What're you going to do? I'm going to say that it's safe to assume that Preston wasn't... raping Rob, considering you said that it was Rob who had pinned Preston. I'm sure at this point they probably know that they like each other, unless one of them is drunk or something..." he pointed out. I shrugged, my face still in the pillow. The bed moved around as he shifted in his place.

"What can I even do? If they like each other, and being together makes them happy, who am I to stop them? Isn't that what love is about? Making sure the one you love is happy, even though you might not be?" I replied, my voice muffled by the pillow. I felt my eyes sting. Verbally explaining how I felt about Lachlan was one thing, indirectly telling those feelings to Lachlan himself was another.

"I mean... I guess you're right. I can understand where you're coming from, but what about you? Surely, if he deserves happiness, so do you. All of the pain... it can't be for nothing," he reasoned. I flipped over to wipe my eyes, and there I saw Lachlan, laying on the bed, inches away from me. I could feel my cheeks heat up and my heart start to race.

"I don't know... It's _beginning_ to feel like it's all for nothing," I breathed, rubbing my eye with my hand like a little kid.

"No, Vik. Please don't cry," he whispered, running his thumb over my cheek. I flinched away from his hand. "Love isn't worth crying over."

"Says you, the one with a girlfriend, the one who has dated other people," I grumbled, my shoulders slumping. "One serious relationship. The one serious relationship I've ever been in proved that there's no reason _not_ to cry over love." There was one other person I had ever romantically loved, one other person who knew I was gay besides my parents and Lachlan. I was in love, and my mom had always teased me about it because she could tell how head over heels I was with him. I was crushed when we broke up, but that was nothing compared to now.

"I'm sure that was different. Losing what you had is different from... never being able to reach what's so close. I can't tell which is worse, though..." he attempted to cheer me up. Even the cheerful Lachlan couldn't be positive.

"This is worse. My life, right now, is nothing compared to then. I simply fell, then. You fall, you get pushed down, but you can always pick yourself up. Sometimes you can't do it alone, but it's still possible. But now... now, I'm unraveling. I'm truly falling apart. I'm breaking myself beyond repair, and I can't stop myself," I explained, looking him dead in the eye. I turned back to face the wall.

I found myself recalling all of the extremes Lachlan had unintentionally put me through. At first, I strongly denied that I was beginning to like a close friend as more than a friend. Once I accepted it, I went through a brief stage of hope that we could become a thing. I quickly realized how unrealistic that was. Depression sunk in very quickly. Everything turned flat until he told me he had a girlfriend. I felt hopeless, insignificant. When they broke up, I was almost happy, but I felt horrible for feeling happy and for what Lachlan must have been going through. Everything fell flat again. He told me he had gotten another girlfriend in what I found the worst way possible, and I was even more hopeless than before. Then, I see him writing about me. I still hadn't gotten over it. I took his words straight to heart.

"We might as well fall apart together..." he whispered. What was he talking about?

"What?" I questioned, rolling my head to look at him. His eyes widened for a split second, but then he blinked a few times and suddenly he was calm again.

"Nothing, just thinking out loud," he lied. I honestly couldn't tell he was lying besides the fact that what he had just said obviously wasn't _nothing_. That scared me. It was silent for a little bit.

"Lachlan?" I asked. He hummed. "A few days ago, you were writing in a notebook or something. Rob tried to take it, and you completely freaked out. What was that all about?"

"That was… personal stuff. Things I'm not... ready to talk about just yet," he replied, cautiously. I felt a frown form on my lips and tears prick at my eyes again.

"Oh… you can tell me anything. Tell me when you're ready?" I said for a lack of better words. He just nodded and turned away from me.

My mind was screaming against what I just said. From what I knew about Lachlan, he would avoid hurting people with the truth at all costs, but there was a certain point when he realized that he might just be hurting them more by lying. He and Jerome got into a lot of arguments, whether just a joke or seriously, and they sometimes had a hard time getting along. Lachlan tried to bring the topic up to Jerome, but he was so scared of somehow hurting Jerome. I was terrified. Words on a screen or paper were different than when they were said verbally.

"A few hours ago, I was recording," he started, still looking away from me. "Jerome told me that I had a way of making people side with me, even when he was the victim. Honestly, I don't think he was joking. I know it's not a big deal, but… is that true?"

"I don't know... " I mumbled. It was a really random topic, but he seemed to really be affected by it. "I don't think that's true. To be fair, we always pick on you… That's one of the big reasons people side with you. Because we're douchebags." He shrugged.

"I guess…" he sighed. He turned back towards me and frowned. "Mitch said he wanted to got out for dinner, didn't he? With just the Pack?"

"Yeah. I don't see the point. I don't like eating out much, and someone's going to have to pay for the mean and- it's just not worth it," I answered.

"It's going to be really awkward, isn't it? What with… Rob and - erm - Preston…" he brought up. I could tell that he had a hard time saying Preston's name around me. I truly could care less, but I knew he was only worried about my made up affection for Preston. It was sweet.

"Yup, can't wait," I breathed, my voice dripping with sarcasm.

Dinner was going to be horrible.

 _((A/N: Sorry it's a bit of a shorter chappie._ _This is a bit out of place, but... My friend and I want to make something a real thing, we want to get the news spread. We need to create a group to raise awareness. Some keks are being treated equally. Message me, tweet me, or comment "#KekEquality2015" to join.))_


	9. Chapter Nine: The reason eating out suck

At about seven o' clock PM, Mitch called everyone downstairs. The whole Pack plus Natalie was standing standing around the kitchen, waiting for Mitch to talk.

"So! I think now is the time for the Pack to finally do something as… well, a Pack! We've all been here for three days, and we've barely even spoken to each other!" Mitch spoke up. Preston enthusiastically nodded.

"Yeah! We came here to spend time together! A vacation to see everyone who lives so far away," Preston added.

"Jerome and I have planned out where we're going out to eat out already. And the two of us are going to pay, so don't even bothering trying to argue," Mitch announced.

"You guys have fun," Natalie cut in, giving us a smile. "I'll be here if you need me."

"I assumed you were coming…?" Jerome said, confused. She shrugged and made her way towards the door.

"Well, I figured you guys wanted to go out to eat as the Pack, the YouTube group of best friends. I'm not part of the Pack. Don't worry about me, though, I don't mind. I actually find it… cute how close you all are," she explained. She walked out of the room before anyone could argue. I was actually a bit disappointed that she wasn't going to come along. As much as I hated the fact that Lachlan and Natalie were dating, she was still a sickeningly great person. In all reality, though, the guys wouldn't talk about anything too personal with her around. They especially wouldn't talk about recording and viewers around her.

"Okay, so we're going to be taking two cars: mine and Mitch's," Jerome told us, shaking off the whole Natalie confusion. "Me, Vik, and Preston in one car. Mitch, Lachlan, and Rob in his car."

"Wait! Can I ride with you and Vik? Preston can go with Rob and Mitch instead," Lachlan asked, worried. I nodded my head, hoping Jerome noticed my agreement. I didn't want to be stuck in a car for who knew how long with the guy I had to pretend to be in love with, who I also walked in on, making out with his best friend. That wasn't happening.

"Mitch and I spent time figuring out who would go with who," Jerome complained.

"Is that so?" Rob questioned, raising an eyebrow in amusement.

"Yeah, we figured that Lachlan and Preston would be too flirty, Jerome and Lachlan would get into pointless arguments, Rob would probably try to make Vik uncomfortable by talking about love or some bullshit like that, Vik and Lachlan would go permanent best friend mode - so would Preston and Rob - and then you guys wouldn't talk to anyone else for the rest of the night, and obviously Jerome and I have to drive," Mitch answered. They forgot to consider that Rob and Lachlan got annoyingly flirty too.

"Geez, we're just going out to eat," I grumbled.

"So? Can I?" Lachlan continued.

"No, we just explained why not," Jerome sighed.

"But-" Lachlan started.

"But what?" Jerome snapped. Lachlan sighed.

"Nothing, nothing…" he breathed. He looked at me and I gave him a small shrug. It was sweet of him to try, but Jerome didn't seem like he would give in.

Jerome grabbed me and Preston by the arm and dragged us out of the house. Holy damn, it felt like my arm was getting ripped open. Why did he have to be so forceful? We were just going to the car. He didn't need to reopen all my cuts in order to do so.

We somehow managed to make it to the car in complete silence. Jerome opened the car doors and shoved me and Preston into the backseat. He slammed the door shut and got into the driver's seat.

"Are you taking us to dinner or kidnapping us?" Preston huffed, rubbing his arm where Jerome was holding him. If that genuinely hurt for him, then I had every reason to be mentally screaming in pain.

"I don't know, you tell me," Jerome smoothly replied. I could tell he was only excited to hang out with us, he wasn't purposely being aggressive. We both rolled our eyes.

"So… erm… Vik?" Preston awkwardly murmured, breaking a period of silence. I stared at the water drops that were making it's way onto the window. It was raining. I hummed to acknowledge Preston. "What happened- erm… earlier-" he began. He kept trying to find the words to say while stuttering out meaningless syllables. "I-it was… nothing. Don't tell anyone, please."

"I didn't look like nothing," I mumbled, still looking away from him.

"Well- it- we-" he stuttered.

"Do you guys like each other?" I interrupted, turning to face him. I honestly did ship Poofless, but it annoyed me that they would be able to have a perfect relationship without even trying.

"I mean… I like Rob, and I think he likes me. I hope so, anyways. Otherwise it'd be very awkward," he half-heartedly joked.

"Very, very awkward…" I agreed, looking at my shoes. The conversation became uncomfortable very quickly. I didn't know how else to respond.

"Why did you run?" he thought out loud. I tried to think of a valid excuse, but nothing came to mind. "Are… are you homophobic or anything?" His eyes were widened in fear.

"Oh god, no," I instantly answered. It was almost funny that he even thought for a second that I was homophobic, seeing as I was gay myself.

"O-oh, sorry. I just figured…" he apologized.

"It's fine, don't worry about it," I told him. I glanced over to Jerome, who looked completely distracted as he drove. He seemed to be driving fine, but I was hoping that he wasn't completely out of it, just in case. I was about to say something to Jerome, but my phone vibrated in my pocket before I could do anything. I pulled it out to check it.

From: Simon Minter

I'm sorry for everything.

I glared at my phone. Did he really think that I would forgive him that quickly? Did he think a simple sorry would fix that fact that he made so many people I cared for hate me. It didn't work like that. I didn't bother to reply.

"Where are we going, Jerome?" Preston asked. I looked up from my phone to glance at Jerome.

"You'll see when we get there," he replied, almost sounding like an impatient parent.

"Come on, Jerome. You think we're completely fine with you blindly driving us around?" Preston continued. Jerome shrugged.

"You trust me, don't you?" he answered, looking at us through the rear view mirror.

"No, not really," I admitted, bluntly. The other two laughed.

"Yeah, I can't tell if you know where you're going yourself," Preston added.

"Well, I think I do, considering that we're here." I looked out the window to see that we were in a parking lot behind a building that I could only assume was the restaurant. "The rest of the guys should be here in a minute or two, so we're going to wait for them." Jerome got out of the car and unlocked the doors. Preston and I got out of the car and stood nearby it.

Mitch arrived about three seconds afterward. As soon as Lachlan got out of Mitch's car, he bolted towards me. He stopped right next to me, and let his face slam into my shoulder.

"What happened to you?" I mumbled, trying not to freak out at his touch.

"Rob is so annoying," he whined, purposely loud enough for Rob to hear.

"What did he do this time?" I wondered. Lachlan sighed, his hot breath hitting against my shoulder. I involuntarily shivered.

"He kept sitting on my lap and he was just being a meanie face," he pouted. He lowered his voice significantly. "I know I'm probably reading too much into it, but… it makes me think that maybe he was just using Preston for sex or something." I froze in confusion. I could understand where he was coming from.

"I get what you mean," I responded, looking towards Rob. He and Preston were playfully shoving each other back and forth.

"It's probably nothing. I mean, Rob is just like that, right? Goofy and jokingly flirt," he said, unsure of his out words.

"I'm not sure, Lachlan. Let's just follow them in," I suggested. Everyone else was ahead of us, walking towards the front of the restaurant. Lachlan took his head off my shoulder and we started walking behind them. He only slammed his face back into my shoulder when we saw what restaurant we were at.

"No. They hate me, they actually hate me. My friends hate me," he grumbled. I laughed at his reaction, but I did agree. Mitch and Jerome wouldn't have taken us to the Outback Steakhouse if they knew that Lachlan wouldn't get annoyed by it.

"Come on, they're just jags," I told him, putting my arm around his shoulders and pushing him towards the entrance. What was I doing? Why did I do that? I was probably creeping him out.

The whole time we were getting seated, Lachlan hid his face on my shoulder and kept quiet. He was mumbling words I couldn't understand. I had to push him towards where we were going because he wasn't looking. It was difficult with his clumsy wobbling around. We sat in a booth, three to a side. Preston and Jerome sat closest to the wall. Rob and Mitch sat on Preston's side, leaving me and Lachlan to sit on Jerome's side. I got uncomfortable with how close the waitress was to my face as she handed out menus and the utensils rolled up in napkins. As she gave me the napkin thing, she paused and briefly looked at me.

"You two make a really cute couple," she whispered, lightly nudging her head towards Lachlan. She was already walking away when what she said sunk in. I covered my face with my hands in embarrassment.

"What did she just say, Vik?" Jerome asked, in a suggestive tone. I stayed silent and kicked his foot.

"Yeah, what did she say?" Lachlan repeated, hitting me with his elbow.

"Shut up," I muttered. He got closer to me to whisper so no one else could hear.

"Vikram Barn, everyone. Such a player with the girls, aren't you," he teased, obviously joking with the irony and sarcasm.

"Hey, you know me. The definitely not gay, Vik Barn," I joked along with him. We both let out small laughs, making everyone send us a confused look.

"I guess you guys didn't have to be in the same car to go all out best friend mode," Jerome grumbled.

"Whatever. By the way, she wasn't hitting on me or anything. She thought that... she thought that Lachlan and I were a couple. I have no clue why," I explained. Lachlan's eyes widened and his face became tinted with red. He was probably weirded out at the thought of us as a couple. I didn't see why he wouldn't, considering he had a girlfriend he seemed perfectly content with.

"You know, no offense to Lachlan and his girlfriend, I really ship Vikklan," Preston confessed. Lachlan rolled his eyes.

"You know how I told you that Preston and I dated at one point? There were three reasons we broke up: distance, his crush on Rob, and his out of the box assumption that I liked you as more than a friends. How far fetched is that? Oh shit, I'm sorry. I shouldn't be saying that I dated him while you… I'm sorry, Vik," he whispered. I gave a small laugh and looked away from him. I could care less about Preston. I hated how Lachlan was capable of comfortably dating a guy. It was like the world was teasing me.

"So, what is everyone thinking of ordering?" Mitch brought up, completely changing the topic. I shrugged and opened my menu. I saw Lachlan read the menu with me, over my shoulder.

"For fuck's sake, they call their appetizers 'Aussie-tizers.' I am legitimately offended," Lachlan whined. I could definitely see why.

"The Victoria's Filet sounds good," Preston replied, ignoring Lachlan's comment. I read the description for what he was talking about.

"That sounds so unhealthy and fatty," Lachlan commented. I wasn't a huge meat person myself. I turned to look at the salads.

"Are you all ready to order?" a female voice asked. I looked up to see the waitress standing at the end of the booth. Everyone but me and Lachlan nodded, so Mitch started giving his order. As their voices continued talking, I skimmed through the salads and choose a random one that seemed appealing.

"Vik, what do you want?" Jerome said, nudging me with his elbow. The waitress gave me a polite, but impatient look.

"Uh- erm, I'll have the Ahi Sesame Salad," I stuttered out. She nodded and looked at Lachlan.

"I don't want anything. Thank you, though" he told her. She nodded and was about to turn away, but Preston stopped her.

"Actually, he'll have-" Preston began.

"I'm not hungry, it'll just be a waste," Lachlan cut in.

"-a caesar salad," Preston finished.

"No, please don't. I'm fine. If I'm hungry, I'll just feed off of you guys, whether you care or not," he insisted.

"Please, just order it anyway," Preston pressed on. She gave a knowing smile, nodded, and walked away. Lachlan groaned and stuck his middle finger in Preston's face. Everyone laughed as he pouted.

"Look at poor Lachlan. We ordered him food. What's he going to do now?" Jerome teased. Lachlan rolled his eyes and took out his phone.

"Really, it's no big deal. We can just bring it to go if you don't eat it," Mitch pointed out. Lachlan shrugged.

"It's fine, whatever," he huffed. He was staring at his phone, but there was nothing on his screen. It wasn't even on. I just fiddled with my fingers under the table.

What was Jerome's problem? He was always on Lachlan's case, as if Lachlan had done something horrible to him. Lachlan didn't deserve to be pointlessly pushed around by someone he considered a best friend. It wasn't fair. He deserved the world.

My mind shifted solely onto Lachlan. Was he really not hungry? I could see him being in a bad mood and feeling a loss of appetite, but the Lachlan I knew loved to eat. Suddenly, my chest tightened. The past three days, I hadn't seen him eat at all. Could that mean something? Was he… No, surely not. He probably just ate when I wasn't around. That made perfect sense.

"What would life be like if the three main Pack ships became canon?" Rob thought aloud. His words caught my attention.

"What do you mean?" Mitch questioned, confused.

"I mean if Poofless, Merome, and Vikklan were real," Rob answered.

"Well, no duh. I meant what you meant by what would life be like.' Are you saying life would be completely different if that were to happen?" Mitch rephrased.

"I mean, yeah. To start off with, though, are any of you homophobic?" Rob continued. Everyone shook their heads to say no, including Lachlan who was still in a bad mood. Preston sent a wary glance at me, but I shrugged it off. Did he really believe that I was homophobic? I was probably the gayest person he'd ever meet.

"Next part: are any of you gay, bi, or anything along those lines?" Rob asked, a playful smirk on his lips. I waited quietly for someone to reply - maybe Lachlan, Preston, or even Rob would speak up, or Mitch and Jerome would confess something - but Lachlan didn't give anyone the chance.

"What the hell, Rob? You can't just ask that as if it were nothing!" Lachlan interrupted. He glanced towards me, and I knew that he was worried about me. He really was too sweet. If only it felt like he wasn't leading me on, and I could accept that he was just concerned, as a best friend.

"What's up with you? If no one answers, then no one answers. Is this your completely see through way of hiding the fact that you're gay?" Jerome speculated, raising his eyebrow. He seemed genuinely curious.

"I'm not gay-" Lachlan started.

"Bi, then," Jerome corrected himself.

"Yes, I'm bisexual and I don't care if you guys know, but what about anybody else? It's a hard question to answer if you're not ready to. You want to answer, because you want to be honest with your closest friends, but you never really know how supportive everyone is," he answered. Jerome was about to respond, but people came towards our booth with our food and he shut his mouth. Soon, everyone had food in front of them. Lachlan just stared at his food in disgust.

"What's wrong, Lachlan?" Preston asked, looking at Lachlan's expression.

"I told you. I'm not hungry," he mumbled, a frown on his lips.

"Why not?" Preston pushed on.

"I don't feel too well. I'll be in the bathroom," he sighed, getting up and walking away. I took a quick glance at the rest of the guys before staring at my food.

What was wrong with Lachlan?


	10. Chapter Ten: The things he hides

_((Sorry it's way later than I said it'd be out, and it's also a bit shit in my opinion :/ the chapter is a little everywhere, but we're slowly getting to the exciting part ;) Also, I don't think I've ever really clarified that two parentheses means an author's note/comment as opposed to just one. If it's just one then it's meant to be part of the narration.))_

Everyone was about halfway done with their food, and Lachlan was still in the restroom. The other guys were fully engaged in conversation, so I doubted they were concerned in the least bit. I, on the other hand, stayed quiet and worried my ass off about him.

"I'm going to go check on Lachlan," I mumbled, getting out of the booth. I didn't wait for anyone to say a word of protest - or agreement or that matter - so I just headed towards the toilets.

My mind was racing. Was he okay? Was he just sitting in there? What if he left instead of going to the bathroom? He could have easily taken a cab home. He could've taken a cab to a hotel or something, rather than back to Mitch and Jerome's. Was it my fault?

I found myself staring into an empty bathroom. It didn't even look like there were people in the stalls. Anxiety settled into my gut. Lachlan left, didn't he?

"L-Lachlan? It's Vik," I stuttered out, quietly. It was pointless. If he was in here, why would he respond?

"In the fourth stall," a voice answered. Hesitantly, I walked over to the stall and slightly pushed open the door. There Lachlan was, sitting on the tank of the toilet, his feet on the toilet seat. I went in and closed the door behind me.

"What're you doing, just sitting here?" I questioned, leaning on the door. A sigh unintentionally escaped my lips out of relief. He hadn't left. Not yet, anyway.

"Just... calming down," he replied, looking at the ground.

"Calming down? Did what Jerome say piss you off? He's just-" I began.

"No, that's not it. I'm not angry or anything," he interrupted.

"Then what is it?" I pushed, confused. I mentally scolded myself for being so demanding, but I wanted him to be okay.

"Nothing big. I'm just...overthinking things, is all," he answered. I continued giving him a confused look, and he continued. "Have... do you... erm- Am I even really a friend to you guys?"

"What?" I breathed, completely taken aback. What kind of question was that? Of course he was a friend to us. No matter how much I wished it was more, he was still an amazing and supportive person. But none of what I was thinking was made it past my lips.

"I know - well, at least I think - that time zones are what makes me isolated when I'm in Australia. It just feels like I'm still isolated, even though I'm with you all in real life," he explained. "And it seems like you guys always do things without me. I have all these video ideas, but you guys have already done them, and I didn't even know."

"Y-yeah, but-" I started.

"Don't you know what it feels like to be paranoid? Feeling like the things that people do on accident are secretly intentional? Sorry, I don't know what I'm thinking... I've never really worried about losing people," he admitted. Then his voice got significantly lower as he continued, "I've never really had friends to lose before. So much of what I have right now seems to good to be true - there has to be some sort of catch."

"There is no catch. We're your friends, _you're_ our friend. You mean the world to us, especially me," I told him. He gave me a sad smile and shrugged.

"Whatever the situation, I'm sorry for being such a shitty person. I'm not really good at helping you with the whole... Preston thing, am I?" he asked, hesitantly looking me in the eye.

"You're doing perfectly fine!" I quickly lied. It wasn't like he wasn't helping because if I actually _did_ have a crush on Preston, then he'd be doing an amazing job. But in the process of him supporting me, I just continued to fall more in love with him and realise how perfect and happy he really was. "You're doing everything you can, okay?" He opened his mouth to talk, but he quickly bit his lip and nodded.

"Okay, then..." he breathed, obviously not believing me.

"Lachlan... What happened back there? Preston was just ordering you food. I know he was quite forceful about it, but you know he was only trying to be nice," I asked him. He stared at the ground and frowned.

"He's only wasting money... I hate eating out and, besides, I wasn't hungry even before I became the group's subject of humiliation." His tone had a bitter bite to it, taking me by surprise. Part of me felt like he was lying, too, but I couldn't really tell. His reasoning was valid enough.

"Bullshit," I stated, bluntly. Better safe than sorry, right? He looked at me with a raised eyebrow.

"You reckon?" Amusement was laced into his voice, but his eyes stared straight into mine, a sort of seriousness on his face.

"Yeah," I challenged. He rolled his eyes and let out a half-hearted laugh, but it didn't last long.

"It's not hard to lose your appetite after you get made fun of. Not that I'm angry at any of you guys, I could never be. I'm just... I'm really insecure. Don't think I'm a porcelain doll, that just- what happened just hit too close to home." He sighed and slowly stood up. "Just... forget what I said."

"How much do you keep to yourself?" I mumbled, not intending die him to head. I knew he did, though. I noticed the half-a-second hesitation cross his expression as, I assume, he thought about whether to acknowledge what I said or not. Instead, he gestured for me to open the stall door. So, I did and we made our way out of the restroom.

"Hey, when we get home, do you want to play Pokemon? You brought your 3DS, I'm pretty sure." It was typical of Lachlan to ask me to play _his_ favourite game against me. As much as I loved the game, I knew he just wanted to kick my ass in it. Not that I minded it. He can kick my ass anytime (insert winky face here).

"Erm, sure? That was random." I stopped walking to look at him as we reached the door.

"I just figured that Pokemon is a good break from... everything. We don't have to record it if you don't want to and it's something different from the blocks we stare at everyday. Plus, it's really the only game I'm good at." We both laughed a bit.

"Come on, you're good - well, not really good, but rather experienced - at Crazy Craft and stuff." I was half-joking, but still serious. Lachlan was too lazy to put in the effort of getting good at most games.

"Oi, don't challenge the Crazy Craft king." He nudged my side with his arm.

"Who appointed _you_ king?" I nudged him back.

"It was a unanimous vote," he told me in a matter-of-fact tone.

"And who exactly voted for you?"

"Me, because at the end of, like, every season, I'm the last one standing. At the end of Crazy Craft 3.0, the elections for King of Crazy Craft were at the last episode and I was the only one there to vote, so..." I was about to reply, but we were getting close to our booth. The two of us quietly sat down where we were before. Almost immediately, Rob looked at Lachlan and smirked.

"Lachlan is bi, huh," Rob said, the smirk evident in his voice. Lachlan rolled his eyes.

"If you're thinking about making fun of me, please don't. I will genuinely leave this time," Lachlan mumbled.

"I wasn't going to make fun of you," Rob promised, "I just wanted to say that I'm not surprised. I thought you were gay as fuck when I first met you."

"I wish I could say that I'm offended, but I'm really not," Lachlan admitted. His smile quickly fell and he started poking his food with his fork.

After an awkward period of silence, Preston spoke up, "In Lachlan's defense, I don't think I've met anyone more homosexual than me." Everyone laughed, but Preston had a nervous look on his face.

"Preston, if you still think I'm homophobic, then you're blind," I spoke up. Everyone got silent in confusion.

"In what world would VIk be homophobic?" Lachlan asked.

"I don't know... Some of the Sidemen don't seem all that comfortable with the whole gay idea and I didn't want to expect any less from Vik," Preston quickly stuttered out. "Anyway... Erm- Lachlan, what do you have against your food?"

"Okay, seriously? I'm more than an excuse to change the topic," Lachlan sighed.

"But you're just so easy to pick on," Mitch whined. Lachlan frowned and looked away from us.

"Yeah, I mean, just think about it. There are all these failed past relationships we can make fun of, there's his impulsiveness... And, when you think about it, he probably has an eating disorder or something," Jerome explained, some-what in a teasing way, but nonetheless offensive.

I looked at Lachlan to see his lip bleeding from how hard he was biting it. His eyes were glaring at Jerome, but I could see tears welling up. Without saying a word, he stood up and walked towards the entrance.

"What the hell, Jerome? Is his life a joke to you? Are eating disorders something to make fun of, whether or not Lachlan has one? What the fuck is your problem?!" I growled at him. Jerome didn't know what to say, but, frankly, I didn't give a shit. As quickly as I could, I went outside to follow Lachlan.

Eventually, I found him sitting on the ground, leaning against Mitch's car. His knees were pulled up against his chest and his head was hidden by his arms. Quiet sniffles were just barely heard, as they were muffled by his limbs. I didn't want to speak, so I snuck my way towards him and sat to his right.

"Vik?" he breathed, slightly shifting his head so his eye was peeking out, just able to see me.

"This is why I hate restaurants. You feel like you need to talk, so conversation his forced out. It's not like this during recordings. Maybe afterwards, but that's not the point. What is Jerome's problem?" I spoke up, after a few moments of silence.

"It's not a big deal," he mumbled.

"You shouldn't be so used to Jerome treating him like that." I stared at his curled up body, hoping he'd turn his head the slightest bit so I could see his - usually - bright, blue eyes. He didn't, though.

"He's right, though..." he whispered, barely inaudible. I could tell that he hadn't intended on me hearing him, but he knew I heard.

"About what?" He shifted around slightly, before looking me dead in the eyes.

"It's nothing, nevermind. Forget I said anything. I know you'll bring this up late, but - please - not now." My breath caught in my throat when I got a clear view of the tears in his eyes. The hurt that was buried in his serious tone made me consumed with worry.

"Let's just... Let's just get a taxi and go back to the house."


End file.
